Travelling Dissonance

How do you reconcile two seemingly opposite ideas? That of travelling to no end with that of having a home base life. I am currently single, so picking up and go as I please is relatively easy. But I don't necessarily want to remain single for the sake of travelling. I want to meet that special someone with whom I will want to build a relationship, share the many life experiences ahead of us and grow old with.

As much as I hate 'what ifs', they usually find a way to creep up in my mind:

• what if I never meet someone because of my insatiable need for travel?
• what if I meet someone special, only to leave him behind because of an upcoming trip? Then what? Is it over? Do we try to make it work? What if he doesn't see it the way I do? Do I cancel my trip for a chance at romance?
• what if he doesn't like to travel and/or isn't supportive of my wanderlust?

And the list goes on...

About a week ago, the news of a travel blogger who committed suicide made its round in social media. Her last post really hit home for me. While it seemed like she was living the dream, her personal life was falling apart. Among other things, her long-time boyfriend left her, partly because he was not supportive of her life choices. The last question she raised in her article has crossed my mind numerous times: 'as a traveler, am I destined to be alone?'

Or is it possible to have it all? 

When I told my friends about my trip to Argentina, one of them asked 'what if you meet someone between now and the time you leave?' Though I thought it was very unlikely, I replied: 'Well, one thing for sure is that I am not changing my plans and hopefully, if he is worth it, we will be able to make it work. I'll only be gone for 3 months.' Sure enough, I met someone! I took some time before telling him about my plans, because I wanted to see where this thing was going. When I did tell him, he didn't take it as well as I had hoped. I told him that I wanted to try to make it work and make the most of the time I was still in town, but he didn't see it that way. Granted, we only had been dating for a short period of time, but this whole situation really affected me and got me thinking.

What is most important for me? Travelling the world or the sense of stability? What kind of traveler am I or do I want to be? Do I really want to only travel solo? What would be the best compromise? To meet a fellow avid traveler?

I don't have the answer to any of those questions and I'm not sure where trying to answer them starts. Because the truth is, sometimes, travelling raises questions other than where to go next and when to purchase the ticket. I don't know that I am courageous enough to make the same sacrifices as have the many travel bloggers I admire.

I'm asking a lot of questions here, if you want to suggest answers, by all means, please do so! Let's start a discussion!
  

Post-Travel Blues: Now What?

So it's been some time since you got back from a long trip, you finally managed to get used to your old surroundings (dare I say: back in your pre-travel routine?), there is no longer that sense of wonder and amazement from the people around you. The pictures have been edited and posted on your wall, the different version of the same stories have been told, the same questions have been answered.

Now what?

If you're like me, and your original plan of travelling indefinitely did not work out the way you wanted, your mind is in on 'back to the drawing board' mode. Because I will admit, when I left for Argentina, my plan was not to come back home...so soon. My dream was to live the expat life, in a completely different and new culture. So, now is the time to evaluate and think over what it is I did right and what I need to improve on for my next adventure.

So what happened?

To start, I have to be very honest. Buenos Aires was a bit of a let down for me. For as long as I can remember, I have been dreaming of the day that I would finally make my way to Argentina. I read so many bloggers' account of their time in the 'Paris of South America', and it sounded like a fantasy world. But my personal account differed. Granted, I enjoyed my fair share of cheap wine and steak, stuffed my belly with delicious medialunas and empanadas (the best I've had while in South America), met some lovely people and fell in love with tango. I even learned to embrace (and now miss) castellano and  how everyone greet each other - one kiss on the right cheek.  Ultimately though, it wasn't enough to make me want to stay (maybe come back to visit...one day). I thought this trip was going to be the 'love at first sight', but the initial sense of wonder quickly dissipated into the depleted infrastructures, the unwanted attention and ill-displaced gifts to nature (I'm talking about dog poo here!). Buenos Aires is far from perfect, and in that aspect, it is no different from other major cities (e.g. in Montreal, construction sites = hell!) It was just not where I could see myself making a home, as permanent or temporary as it could be. I felt more at home in other cities (San Francisco, Barcelona, Beijing?!).

Strangely enough though, I now find myself comparing Montreal to Buenos Aires; I surprise myself when I start a sentence by: 'But in Buenos Aires, they do it that way...' which is a slippery slope. It only makes it harder to be at peace with the fact that I am no longer in that not-so-magical-place that I learned to appreciate, in spite of its shortcomings.

This trip was far from a complete lost. I cannot put a value on all that I have experienced in the 3 months I spent in Buenos Aires and South America. So I took a leap of faith...and fell short. But you know how the saying goes ' Fall 7 times, stand up 8'. So Argentina and I were not a match made in expat heaven? Maybe the timing wasn't right or I'm just not that into BsAs. Who knows. What I do know is that there are dozens of countries I want to visit. And maybe one of them will be a perfect match!

“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall. ” - Vince Lombardi Jr.

TWB - Travelling While Black

There was just no way I was not going to broach this subject...

I find myself very fortunate to have been born and raised in a city like Montreal. Walking down the street is like a colorful parade of people from all over the world, with a mixture of different languages as the city's soundtrack.

I have been travelling around for some time now, and I must admit that I was quite surprised at how homogeneous some countries are...and the reaction I was faced with when I came in contact with the inhabitants of those countries.

Exhibit A: China  

I went to China in 2008, just after the Olympics. I was very excited to go as this was my very first time taking the plane on my own for such a long haul. I was so excited that it didn't even occur to me to think or worry about how I would be treated. But I found out pretty quickly! When I arrived at the school where I was interning, the children would stop dead in their tracks to look (read stare), point, laugh, whisper to their friend, out of shear sight of me. Mind you, I was in the suburb of Beijing, where any non-Chinese looking person would be stared at (ask the two Dutch who were also interning with me). One day, I went to visit statues in a town that is 5 hours away from Beijing. Two guys started to follow me around from a distance. Eventually, one of them came closer and asked if he could take a picture with me! Now that was a first but definitely not the last of it! Depending on my mood I would either take the picture or say no and turn my head away. Another time, I had my hair pulled by a woman in a bus. When I turned to give her a dirty look, she started asking me questions on how I take care of my hair (the same way you do, lady. With water, shampoo and conditioner!) 

One of my many instant Chinese 'fan'! 

Exhibit B: Mexico

Last year, I went to visit a friend who had just moved to the south of Mexico.The first night I arrived, we went out. On our way out of the bar, a guy asked to take a picture with us. By looking at my friend, I could tell that she didn't know him and was as surprised as I was. We obliged, but before I knew it, we were having a photo shoot with that guy and his friends! By the end of my week, I had lost count of the number of times I was either asked for a picture or catching people sneakily taking a picture of me (not cool, at least ask!). It was as though I was an attraction in a museum or part of the landscape. And what do they do with those pictures?! Show them to their friends and family, like one shows their vacation pictures ( 'This is a picture of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, and this one here, is a picture of me with a Black woman. Amazing, huh?!' )  Why would it be OK to photograph someone on the basis that they look different from you? I could not imagine approaching a particularly short person and ask to take a picture with them, just because they are short! It's just rude.

Exhibit C: Argentina  

In preparation for my extended stay in Argentina, I did A LOT of reading, particularly with regards to the situation of Black people in that country. Well, to date, Argentina is probably the whitest country I have visited, which is both understandable and surprising. Surprising, because their biggest neighbor, Brazil, has a sizeable population of African-descent outside of Africa, understandable, because if you read a brief historical overview of Argentina, you will see that the government of the mid-1800 was systematic in eliminating the African presence in the country. But that didn't stop me from going and I was prepared (or so I thought) to face any kind of 'attention' I was to receive. To make a long story short, I was constantly face with the following: 1) people generally assumed that I was from Brazil and 2) the men in Argentina are big on catcalling, piropos in castellano and no woman is safe from it. In my case, a lot of it was focused on the color of my skin ( 'hola morena/ moracha!' 'hermosa morena!' 'que linda morena!'...and these are the ones I understood!). I get it. I'm 'brown'. And you don't see brown women walking, doing their groceries or having coffee on a daily basis. But do you really feel the need to point out the colour of skin?! Needless to say, it became very tiring to walk down the street of Buenos Aires, because of that unwanted, constant, attention. I wonder if Black men received similar attention... And I still don't know how I feel about what I saw in a bakery window one day:

Hmm...is this appetizing or offensive?  

Overall, would I say that I have been treated differently, and I suspect the color of my skin had something to do with it? Of course I have (i.e. being followed the moment I entered a store in China, and they were not even trying to hide it). Is this limited to countries outside of North America? Of course not! (those TSA people in American airports can't take their hands off my hair...because, you know, I just might be hiding something in there! Seriously?!). Is racism alive and well? Unfortunately, it is (for the deniers out there: get your head out of the sand!). Will that stop me from travelling? No, but it will definitely influence how I travel (with someone as opposed to alone, like my trip to Lebanon.). The color of my skin, as superficial as it may be, will always be a factor that shapes my perception of others and how I am/ will be perceived and treated. A lot of racism is based on fear and ignorance. I see travelling as a way to let the world know that we (Black people) are not all the same, that we don't all fit the (generally negative) stereotypes perpetuated in the media. Concurrently, it broaden my mind about other cultures and countries. Mark Twain said it best:

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

So keep on travelling! :)